Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
