You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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