Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
