Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im holly from the hills drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
