he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize