I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
