I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
