Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
