Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
