apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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