i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
