God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
