Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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