it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
