then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
