I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize