Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
