i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
