I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
