Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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