people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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