Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
