But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
