they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
