yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
