Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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