My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
