I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
