How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
