here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
