I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
