it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
