You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
