I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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