I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
