oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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