Betty ford says i'm here all night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Randomize
