My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
