just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
