There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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