I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
