so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
