"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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