I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Small penises have feelings too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
