Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
this is an emotional support booty call
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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