dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
