I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
