It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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