Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
