I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
