this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
