well you can't waste a boner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
