Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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