there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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