Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
