do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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