I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
