dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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