I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
