I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
