she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
