sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
