you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
